Zach Conversations

He said he loved me.

Was this during sex? Because chicks yell out “OH GOD” and “OH DADDY” while I’m fuckin’ ’em and I really doubt they think I’m either of those things. If so… well, we have bigger problems than America’s education system.


I wanna go somewhere… Take a vacation from the bullshit.

I like going on vacation with girls that don’t get tan lines… If you know what I mean.


I think I have cancer.

Shit, seriously? Eh, just think of it like I do STDs. If I have the clap and I don’t know about it, it’s the same as not having it.

PSA: If you see a 6’1″ blonde dude who drinks too much and always wears muscle tees and tank tops, don’t have sex with him.