Kelsey’s List

My sister Kelsey is a very pretty woman. She also has a heart of gold. There should be a fucking Disney princess made for her. I was shocked the first time I heard her say a girl from our sorority, Allie, was a “mean bitch.” I can’t blame Kelsey though; I think Allie is a shit-stained coochy rash, but whatever.

The point I’m trying to make is Kelsey is pretty damned perfect, at least in my book. It takes a lot to put up with my shit, and she’s been there for me through it all. I love her and would kill a fair amount of people to keep her safe.


Isn’t she gorgeous? Don’t mind the weird-looking fuck in the foreground.

All that said, she’s never had a boyfriend. During one of our day drinking sessions (we went through some shit with our sorority that ultimately caused us to petition to go alum early, and we drank when things were particularly bad), I asked her what she wanted in a guy. I was curious if she was just super picky. She listed only three things:

  1. He has to be nice.
  2. He has to like her.
  3. He can’t be a “raper.”

That’s it. As the night progressed I kinda picked up on why she didn’t pay too much attention to men. I saw why she feels more comfortable drinking when there are only women present, and I try my best to accommodate her (she’s usually designated driver, and I have no qualm with that).

Anyhow, we have the same birthday (February 11th) and I have every intention of spending the day or weekend with her. I’m gonna see if she wants to party with the crew team and the sorority sisters we like.

Fuck Allie, that coochy rash.


An update. Fuckin’ A.