This Goodbye is Forever

My first big love got married. I’m going through so many fucking emotions right now. I don’t know how to deal with them. I’m either drinking or sleeping. Drinking currently, obviously.

I’d be happy if he was with someone he loved, but a guy doesn’t fly to Baltimore to see his ex for shits and giggles. I think he wanted me to tell him to stay. 

I slept with him. Not fucked. Just slept next to him. Jet lag is a killer. I remembered his smell; it was the same. I held back the tears. I knew it would be the last time. I didn’t want to ruin it.

Do you love me?

Of course. Always.

Can you say it…?

I’ll love you for always.

I drove him back to the airport and then laid in my bed, holding the pillow his head had rested on and breathing in his scent. It was the only thing that really proved he had actually been there.

I slept on the sofa that night.

And then I washed my sheets in the morning.

I’m numb. Jameson’s, my sweet James… You won’t marry Jose Cuervo, will you? He probably will. That’s how my life has always played out. Even my booze can’t stay.

I need to drink more. I’m starting to think of the house, the children, the love, the life I could’ve had with him. All gone. Fortunately I took a minor to the liquor store, and, honestly, who shops better for cheap booze that’ll fuck me up? The owner, a Korean man I call Uncle, gave us a free bottle of Absolut. 

Thank god. 

It’s the little things…right?

Goodbye, Seamus.


I got the new Pokemon Go app. I’m fucking addicted.

This shit is great. It’s getting everyone out of the house and bonding over nerdy shit. The coffee shop I work at is overrun with gamers trying to catch Pokemon (it’s a Pokestop and there’s an unusual amount of Bulbasaur around)… and then they buy iced drinks to keep cool in the summer heat. I like it. People will be skinny in no time, and the nerdy/gamer folks with social anxiety will be able to talk to other Pokemon trainers about… nerdy/gamer shit.

My roommate Pat and I went to Baltimore’s Inner Harbor yesterday searching for Pokemon. It was crazy. Everyone was whipping his/her phone out and talking to others playing the game. “Go to the USS Constellation for Tentacruel and Doduo!” “I found a Dratini by the Seven Foot Knoll Lighthouse!” …amazing.

And closer to home… I go to a rather nerdy university and there’s only one Pokemon Gym on campus… right between the engineering and information technology buildings. Just imagine all of the geeky kids in high school deciding to go to the same college and taking over the campus… And then a turf war breaking out to see which team will rule. Right now the gym is owned by Team Mystic.

Pat: Pick Team Instinct or go extinct, amirite?

Me: *mumbles*… big dick Mystic.

Paulo: You picked team Mystake?

Also, for anyone in the DC area… There’s a Blastoise in the Department of Justice building. Good luck getting in.

Valley of the First

My friend Sam (girl Sam, not boy Sam) is a grad student at Maryland Institute College of Art (I don’t know what’s going on with that name, but whatever). She specializes in illustration and has an online comic. I just read it. I’m a pretty harsh critic when it comes to comics and whatnot, but this one has a pretty good story line, and the pictures are hella cute. Y’all should take a look. There are only two chapters out so far, but she has the outline of the story swirling around in her mind so I reckon we can anticipate future installments. I hope it all turns out well for the main character Tana. Here’s the first page and the link: