Much like Ellie, I too found myself in a hospital today (I guess we really are twins).
I finally have a primary care provider, so I decided to see her so I could get my meds and make sure I wasn’t going to die any time soon.
She’s a very kind lady who was unfortunately given a lazy eye. I think she squints on purpose so people might not notice, but as a person with squinty eyes myself, I saw that shit. She gave me free “samples” of the insulin I’m on and then told me about this sketchy website that sells discounted drugs. Whatever. I’m poor. I’ll try anything.
After we discussed my chronic health issues she asked, “Is there anything else I should take a look at today?”
Yesterday was my sister’s birthday. I tried to call her, but there was no answer. Turns out she’s in the hospital because she’s gained a resistance to the drugs she needs to live a normal, healthy life. It feels like she’s running out of treatment options.
And I’m so fucking scared right now.
She means the world to me, and I don’t say that about anyone. If I had to set fire to everything I know to keep her safe, I would. I’d watch it all burn with her by my side. She’d probably try to make me feel better about it by giving me marshmallows on a stick. There isn’t a mean bone in her body.
When I thought everyone had turned away from me – my mum, dad, and brothers – and I was sitting on the ledge of a 42 story apartment building, she told me she would be there for me and would help me set things aright. She saved me that day. I don’t talk about that very often because of the shame it brings me, but I feel like I need to put out into the world just how much of a good person she is. Maybe some deity will hear and help her.
She has never asked me for anything and has given everything with a smile on her face.
There was a tornado warning in the area. I usually don’t pay attention to these things, but when I saw the torrential downpour coupled with green-ish sky I decided to err on the side of caution. I spent a couple years in Texas as a child and I remember what tornado skies look like.
I called my old man and he said the safest place to be was the bathtub. I made a bee line for the shitter with my laptop and hookah. And then the power went out, killing my Internet connection. I played that stupid T-Rex jump game for a good 20 minutes before the power switched back on.
I’m very fond of movie quotes. My brother and I like to play a game where we say a quote and the other has to guess which movie it’s from. I take a liking to anyone who can play the game well. Here’s a good one from Meet Joe Black.
It nice it happen to you. Like you come to the island and had a holiday. Sun didn’t burn you red-red, just brown. You sleep and no mosquito eat you. But the truth is, it bound to happen if you stay long enough. So take that nice picture you got in your head home with you, but don’t be fooled. We lonely here mostly too. If we lucky, maybe, we got some nice pictures to take with us.
And the real heart breaker…
Susan: Tell me that you love me. Tell me that you love me now.
So it’s finally happening: the last class I ever have to fucking take, cellular biology lab. Dude. I’m stoked.
And I’ve also decided to go back to rowing. I talked to my old coach about joining Baltimore Rowing Club (BRC). He sent me a sign up sheet for open practice and some group called the Super Pack. I’m waiting to get the approval of the Super Pack to join their elite posse.
I looked at the roster… I’d be the youngest person… by ten years. The oldest rower is 67, but she’s a legend, as are all of the other rowers.
I’ve been to my share of scrimmages and regattas, and those people have kicked ass and taken names. I remember they were carrying their racing shell down to the dock and some university-aged rowers were laughing and pointing. The BRC rowers stopped, looked at those kids, and said, “We’re gonna walk up on you [pass you during a race].” And they did. I have an immense amount of respect for those old geezers.
The boats BRC uses are a bit different from the ones UMBC does. I’ve only coxed stern-loaders (the coxswain sits in the stern of the boat and can see all of the rowers). BRC only has bow-loaders for the 4+ rowing shells. That means I’ll sit in the bow and see only open water in front of me. I don’t know anything about bow-loaders. How will I know who’s fucking up if I can’t see my rowers? Steering and docking is gonna seem whack because… I dunno, things will seem ass backwards. I’m scared. Jose, the ace coxswain, said we could talk about all that shit over dinner.
I reckon I’ll have to act “normal” the first few times I meet everyone. I’ll have to let the silly/goofy/crazy out of the bag slowly.