My Funeral

When I die, Alex will say:

We’re here today because SOMEBODY couldn’t stay alive…asshole.

And when the pallbearers pick up my rotting body in a box, Paulo will cox my casket into the ground:

Up and overheads, and UP! In two, roll her down! One, two, and DOWN! *thud, wood cracks because it’s a cheap pine box*

While he’s yelling all this, a DJ will play Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot” or the Tetris theme song.

You know, if my buddies wanted to have a cookout in my back yard and just dump my carcass into the garden or something, I’d be cool with it.

It’s cheaper that way. All the money they save can be used on strippers. I want a funeral with strippers and a chocolate fondue fountain. Put those two things together and you’ll have a rager.

I hope these things will distract them from missing me when I’m gone.

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