So I’m sitting in my apartment, talking with Derek about a girl he recently fucked.
She legit had THE tightest pussy. I stuck a finger in there and I thought I put it in her butt. I was like, “Woah, I put it in her butt!” But I had it right.
We’re also talking about Tinder and how condoms can dry everything out.
I had a Chinese algebra teacher when I was in middle school.
He was pretty decent at the English language with only a slight accent to his words.
But there was one word he’d always fuck up: my buddy’s name, Charles.
Mr. Lee would call him “Chow-Soo” instead of Charles. What?
“CHOW-SOO! Where your homewohk?”
“CHOW-SOO! Go to boahd and sowve [solve] probrem.”
It got to the point where Charles asked to be called “Chaz.” And then he became a skater punk kid. I mean, how could he not with a nickname like that?
I guess that’s not as bad as that one time some Korean lady was looking for peanut butter but kept calling it “penis butter.”
He had short ribs; I had bibimbap. Then we went to H Mart so he could get yogurt (he eats a quart of that stuff for breakfast… with this crazy breakfast sandwich that has four eggs, bacon, and sausage), apples, and some snacks. We ate green tea flavored ice cream mochi. The flour got everywhere so we looked like we were doing cocaine in his car. I wanted to rub some of it under my nose to complete the make believe scenario, but I didn’t want to make too much of a mess.
Nice guy. I still like him.
And he said he’d like to see me again on Friday.
Three dates in a week. I guess he likes me too. Holy shit, bruh.
From my brother’s blog.
“You deserve the love you keep trying to give everyone else” “Why do people think being with someone is the answer to everything?” – Elizabeth Scott “I’d…
Source: Quote Dump
My buddy Chris got engaged yesterday. He was really hungover from St. Patty’s day with his girl and he said, “If I can stand a hangover and all the bullshit she’s thrown my way for the last four years… I should marry her.” He proposed without a ring, at the kitchen table, while the two of them were drinking coffee and popping aspirin.
If that ain’t a love story, I don’t know what is.
He asked Zach and Sam to be his groomsmen (I think Chris is going to ask his brother to be his best man). And then the groom put some conditions on my being able to attend the wedding. I’m pretty sure the terms came from his wet blanket of a fiancee, but whatever.
Chris: Jess, if you wanna come to my wedding you have to graduate from an etiquette class.
Me: …fuck you. I’ll mourn the end of your bachelorhood with a drink with the barkeep. NAKED. BUTT FUCKING NAKED.
Zach: Sorry, man. If Jess is naked at a bar, I gotta be there. No wedding for me neither.
Camaraderie at its finest.
Besides, I’ve been to charm school. My bloodline may go back to the Celts and Mongol horde, but I know how to be a darling when it matters.