Asshole Barista

That’s what I’m gonna be.

I landed a job in a mom and pop coffee shop. I don’t know what the owner saw in me. Does she need an Asian chick behind the counter to meet a demographic quota? Does she need a non-hipster to speak with customers (because who the fuck can have a decent conversation with a hipster)? Will my military upbringing attract the local VFW members in for a cup of joe? I dunno. My new boss said I was nice and that niceness can’t be taught. Call me a skeptic, but I think there’s gotta be a catch.

I had the interview yesterday, and I kept it real: I walked in with my jeans and UMBC hoodie. I stood up to shake her hand, asked her about the different coffee blends I saw scattered around the store, and answered her questions.

Gretchen: Why do you want to work here?

Me: To be honest, I need a part time job to stay afloat…. and I like coffee?

Gretchen: That’s good. You get free coffee when you work. Food items are half off. How did you hear about the ad?

Me: I came in for a cup of coffee and saw that sheet of paper on the door. One of the fellas behind the counter handed me an application when I “inquired within.”

Gretchen: What do you think you can bring to the table?

Me: I’m a hard worker, and I already have the job of boosting morale for my boat on the crew team. I figure I can do that as part of the job here too. I’m a fast learner and will give the folks already working here a run for their money when it comes to being your favorite employee.

Boom. Nailed it. She told me to come in for training the next day (today). I got to see my old friend: the dishwasher and the power hose.

Fun fact: I used to work at my friend’s grandmother’s Chinese restaurant as a dishwasher. I wasn’t allowed to take orders as a waitress because I looked too white for a Chinese food place.

My favorite thing about the cafe is a small table they have pushed up against the back wall. It looks like a regular old desk, but inside the drawer is a small notebook Gretchen placed inside of it. It’s filled with messages, poems, and doodles of all sorts; I like reading and commenting.

I’ve written in it a couple times. I flipped through the pages to my last entry where someone commented:

Stay strong, be patient, you can do this.


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