Biopsy Results

Benign. Negative. I’m not gonna die. Well, I’m not gonna die from cancer on my lady bits.

I called my mom and told her the good news.

Me: I don’t have cancer.

Mum:  Wat?

Me: The tests were negative.

Mum: MOMMY DIDN’T KNOW YOU HADDA TEST FO’ CANSAH! OH MY GAH!

I guess my father, in his infinite wisdom, decided to not tell my mom I was going in for a cancer biopsy (she’s really, really bad at handling this kind of news).

Cat’s out of the bag now. I mean, the cat shouldn’t be out of the bag considering it’s all said and done and I still have my skin, but my mother, being the epitome of the typical, spastic woman, went through an entire drama in her head about my dying of cancer. “Why didn’t you tell Mommy about this, Jecca?!” I guess I should cut her some slack. She went through a similar ordeal but tested positive. She was at death’s doorstep and is very fortunate to be among the living.

I feel for my old man… He’s gonna be in SO MUCH SHIT when he gets home from work.


After she was finished freaking out she wanted to talk about cervical cancer and STDs…

You not having sex widda boy so you don’ have to worry abou’ dat… RIGHT, JESHKA?!

The only proper response for the question above.

I don’t know how to tell her…

4 thoughts on “Biopsy Results

    1. If I were a teenager, I’d see the reasoning behind having to tell my mother I’m as celibate as a nun, but I’m 25 years old. I’m a grown ass woman! I feel like I’m a 12 year old harlot right now though… Geez, the effect my mother has on me, haha!

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      1. My oldest will be 20 in a couple weeks. The girls are all over him. But I’m convincing myself that none of the girls in the revolving door are seeing my baby in any state of undress.

        I can’t let myself think otherwise because I don’t think my health insurance covers mental breakdowns.

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  1. It’s like that for mum’s and their sons too? Good lord, I can only imagine how Mum felt about my brother, Dennis… He wasn’t very subtle about his track record and the goings on in his room. I just figured she was calmer with him because of gender roles/norms.

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