I briefly (heh) perused the wares in a Victoria’s Secret and Pink store with a few of my teammates. Confession: I like shopping for bras and panties. It’s even better to bring a guy with you into the fitting room.

Anyhow, I was rummaging through a sale bin when I came across the smallest, red, sequined g-string (what I like to call “butt floss”) I had ever seen. The crotch patch was about the size of a golf ball.

I didn’t know Victoria’s Secret sold eye patches…

I know a guy who’s a pretty big player. Somehow we became friends and he never pursued me. I asked why. He said he liked talking with me too much and didn’t want to run the risk of losing our conversations. I guess when you’re rolling in the pussy like he is you come to value other aspects of chicks besides their genitalia.

Anyway, ol’ Tim had a chest of drawers. The top one was called the “jack drawer.” In it were all of these sex toys and masturbatory aids. It also had a good amount of women’s panties.

Yeah, smell is a big turn on for me. I just put one of those on like I’m a fucking ninja and then I just rub one out.

This is what I imagine Tim looks like when he's bashing the bishop
This is what I imagine Tim looks like when he’s bashing the bishop.

I don’t know why people tell me these things…

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