I Made Crack

I don’t know what it’s really called but my friends and I call it Crack, and I’m sticking with the name.


It’s sorta like Puppy Chow, that Midwestern snack everyone from Kentucky, Nebraska, Tennessee, and Oklahomo** knows how to make. Think Muddy Buddies but no chocolate, just a caramel glaze. Add cashews and M&Ms for the bells and whistles.

** The state is now referred to as Oklahomo among my friends because our friend Nathong Nathan missed our reunion in Seoul because his parents moved to… Oklahomo.

Here’s a How To:


  • 1 cup butter
  • 1 1/2 cup brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup light corn syrup
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp vanilla extra
  • 1 box Chex Mix (12 oz)
  • brown paper bag
  • wax paper

Do this shit:

  1. Melt the butter, sugar, and corn syrup in a medium sauce pan. Stir constantly to prevent sticking; it’s a bitch to scrub off so don’t fuck up this step.
  2. Remove from heat once the mixture starts to bubble. It’s fucking hot; don’t let it pop onto your skin. Add in baking soda and vanilla. Stir until incorporated. It’ll look like really bad diarrhea but it’ll be good; I swear.
  3. Put the Chex Mix in the brown paper bag (if you want to add cashews/peanuts do it now so the nuts can join the party). Pour molten goodness into the bag.
  4. Close the bag and then shake the shit out of it so the liquid diabeetus coats everything.
  5. Microwave the bag in 30 second intervals and then shake it like a Polaroid picture again. There should be a nice glaze on everything unless if you suck at shaking things. In that case, hand it over to Michael J. Fox.
  6. Spread the Crack over wax paper so it can dry a bit.


I know I gave you shit for calling it Crack before, but damn this is good.

Abe, the little bro

Abenezer. People don't believe me when I say we're related. Fuckers.
Abenezer. People don’t believe me when I say we’re related. Fuckers.

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