Asian Firewater

I think there’s something in this bottle. It’s not a scorpion because it ain’t tequila. I think it’s a snake…

LET’S DRINK IT ALL AND FIND OUT! …get to the bottom of things.

Definitely a snake.

My buddy then proceeded to flip his shit.

I CAN’T BELIEVE I DRANK THAT! FUCK!

You’re in a fraternity. I bet you’ve had worse things in your mouth.

At least I don’t actively try to turn blowjob skills into blow-career skills!

That’s socially acceptable for girls to do and I don’t think any guy I date in the future will complain. You’ll never experience a blow-career because your peen is too small. That’s a blow-hobby.

Sick burn.

This was a mighty fine “Fizz Might Be Dying” party.

But I better not die soon. I have shit to do.


Some other quotes from the night.

“Fizz… Do you have to consciously try to keep the vagina closed? Because vagina holes are a lot bigger than penis holes.”

“I expected your house to have a lot more rice in it… You fail as an Asian.”

“GIRLS ARE IN PAIN DURING PERIODS BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING BLOOD! IT’S LIKE SCRAPING THE LAST OF THE CHILI OUT OF THE CROCK POT!” (I almost threw up.)

“How big is Michael’s dick? Is Michael a show-er or a grower? I bet it’s small because he’s Asian.” (I told him Michael is Caucasian.) “OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!”

“Sometimes I think ‘Is this REALLY where I wanna be when Jesus comes back?’ I think JC Water Walker would be proud of us for sippin’ this FINE snake juice. It’s like eating Satan.”

“I look at some weird shit on the Internet. Either every dude is like me or I’m the only one. It’s horrifying either way.”

*pours another shot* “I’m hanging on by my fingertips and you’re greasing the ledge.”

“You know some freaky shit’s gonna go down when a girl wears matching bra and panties.”

“This sperm needs to leave my body. I. Need. To. Get. Laid.”

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