I saw a number of Facebook statuses about everybody’s mothers. “Happy Mother’s Day to the most beautiful woman I know,” blah, blah, blah~ Real cookie cutter shit. Well here’s my ode to my mum:
Sometimes you’re guano crazy. Like, I can’t believe you thought I’d suffocate if I slept with my bedroom door closed and the fan on. You nag me incessantly, and I think we both know I’m not even listening half the time. You flipped out and told me I wore “ho ho underwear” when you saw I had purchased pink and purple bras, and then you showed Pops all my skivvies making that the most awkward father-daughter moment to date.
But I love you anyway.
You’ve helped mould me into the person I am, and I’m content with the asshole I’m becoming. You’ve always encouraged me to do the right thing, and even when I fuck up six ways from Sunday, you’re there to dust me off, give me a swift kick to the ass, and yell “Mommy still loves you!” while I trudge through life’s trials and tribulations. I think I’m damned lucky to have you in my corner. You’ve stuck it out with me, pink ho ho underwear and all.
“If there is such a thing as reincarnation, I’m jealous that other people get to have you and I don’t.”