I work at my university’s gym. I’ve been telling people that they have holds on their accounts when I swipe their cards and are not allowed to use the facilities until they clear the holds… AND THEN YELLING “APRIL [FUCKING] FOOLS!”
Just now there was a couple at the front desk. You know the type: super lovey dovey, hands all over, dry humping each other… whatever man.
The dude said, “I love you,” to his girl before he went into the gym. I yelled, “APRIL FOOLS!” They both looked at me as if I had just dropped kicked a baby and then wiped my ass on the floor, so I said, “But I love you, girl… HA! APRIL FOOLS AGAIN!”
I don’t know how I’ve survived this long as an asshole.
One day there’ll be a robbery or something and a dude’ll have a gun in my face and I’ll say a stupid joke and that’s how my life will end.
It’s beautiful outside though, so if that happens today I can’t complain too much.
It’s a good day to die.