Fitness Parameters

Green smoothies for breakfast five times a week. That’s doable.

Supplement shake for a meal five days a week. Ew. 

Run a 5k three days a week. This sucks.

Run a 10k twice a week. Ah hell.

Weight train every other day. Sweet Jesus, what is this?

Swim at least 20 laps after crew practice. I’d rather fuck a hot curling iron.

Cheat day once a week. Light at the end of the tunnel.


The first thing I’m doing once I’m a skinny bitch is buying a shit ton of lingerie to wear around the house.

The only way that shit’s coming off is if a man takes it off of me.

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