I’m looking for my future ex wife. I thrive on the adrenaline a messy divorce would give me.
The shit you hear at bars is enough to make you clutch your pearls.
A bit of what I said:
Bartender: What’re you having?
Me: Just fuck me up, bruh.
“HE WAS GONE FOR 15 MINUTES! HE CLEARLY TOOK A SHIT!”
Slut: I’m a world traveler.
Me: I bet her pussy was stamped along with her passport.
“Bruh… Fuck the slut; the other one’s a Petri dish.”
“Cut yourself some slack, dude. You don’t have to fuck everyone.”