Contact

I had this really weird urge to kiss a girl on the mouth. 

We were talking, just business as usual, and I dunno what the fuck happened. My brain flipped and thought it would be wonderful to press my lips to hers. It wasn’t sexual though; I didn’t want to evoke any emotions, feelings, sensations. I think I just wanted some sort of physical contact.

Instead of flat out kissing her, I just placed my hand on her cheek. I’m a quirky enough person for this to not be out of the ordinary. And then I went about my business, sated.

Sometimes I just need contact with someone, platonic or not. 

My buddy Matt is a damned magnificent hugger. He grips me nice and tight and then runs his hands up and down my back. I find this very comforting and become sleepy. And then he gives me a small, bear hug at the end so my breath is smushed out of my chest. Super therapeutic.

A few days ago I was upset about something that probably doesn’t matter much in the scheme of things, but it still bothered me. I had some friends over, so I stood up and said, “I’m not feeling very well. I’m going to go in my room and cry for a little bit.”

I crawled into bed like a little bitch and cuddled my safety blanket. I could feel the tears brimming and I hated it. 

I sat bolt upright, stormed back into the living room, and held onto Matt. I might’ve cried a little bit, but I’d like to think it turned out a lot better than it would have if I had just huddled in my room. I calmed down, told him to not tell anyone about my tears, and here I am, putting all this crap on the Internet. No one will ever find out now!

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