I was really drunk in Fells Point. I had taken shots like I was bulletproof, so I was one brave, talkative son of a bitch (no disrespect to my mother and no sprouting of dicks for me).

I walked into Stuggy’s Hotdogs because their food is pretty epic (even when I’m sober) and immediately saw a white dude shoving his tongue into an Asian girl’s ear. I leaned back, letting my head flop backwards so everything looked upside down to me. I often do this to get people’s attentions; it worked.

Me: Heyoo… Y’all should have some behbehs. There aren’t enough people like me in the world… People of the light yellow pigmentation. ‘Nam sayin’?

The guy: Don’t worry. We’re practicing.

That smooth fucker.

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