Don’t Wake Up

It’s 0343 and I just made some spaghetti.

If I ever get married, I want a guy I feel comfortable enough waking up at 0343 to make some damned spaghetti! He can sit at the table in his pajamas, groggy-eyed, and I’ll feed him his share of the noodles and rub his back afterwards to help him fall back asleep. HAHAHA! That’s a lie… He’s gonna give me a righteous dicking and that will help him sleep.

Anyway… I’m always uneasy about waking people up. When I was a kid, my parents would flip shit if I made too much noise before they awoke. If I had a nightmare or wanted a drink of water, I tried my best to be as silent as a shadow. I didn’t turn on the lights; I just huddled under the covers until the sun lit up my bedroom and I knew no monsters lurked in the shadows. As for the water, well, I thought the gurgle of the sink would disturb my parents, so there were times when I drank from the toilet. I don’t know how I didn’t get E. coli.

Now that I don’t have anyone living with me, I make all the fucking noise I want, and it’s pretty sweet. I turn on all the lights in the apartment too. I am the sun god!

Godspeed to my future roommate.

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